the disconnecting count of days of fading away

looks like its the end..

Rambled at 11:00 PM on Thursday, March 30, 2006 | Haloscan

life is like a box of chocolates..

yesterday was an unforgettable day..
so early in the morning wake up den went to the near by post office to pay for my ite school fees. Den went to meet amin to accompany me to ite amk to go register..once i step in there only wah..mat rep bederet!..minah pun bederet jugak..den went into the admin office and registered..wtf i cannot take picture bcos my hair too long..mcm sial tul...so bought my school uniforms n all..den its straight to my frens chalet..

so once reach downtown east me n amin went to mac bcos we were too hungry to wait for the bbq..den we also met lemang there bcos he had chalet there the day before also..den as we reach the chalet we were greeted by ili n her fren saihah..hehe mestilah kene greeted by ili, amin kat situ pe..they took us to where it was..so just chilled there and talk abt stuff..lemang kept bordering amin n ili..haha..malu2 pulak korang dua..it was kinda strange as we all knew quite a few people there..haizz we were the one who started the bbq for them..tsk2..must do more bbq often baru leh pro..so after having fun an all..it was time for da truth..

i asked her to meet me by the pondok around the area..so we talked..and u diddnt haf to keep all those from me..u could haf told me earlier..its seriusly ok..be honest to me..it was quite a heartbreaker to hear all those..but better now den later rite?

i really like to say tanx to faezah n ili for helping n trying to cheer me up..u guys were there when i needed u two the most..im quite fine already now..really..i just need to move on..and yeah azhar tanx for talking to me..i really need to hear all of those..it really helped me open my eyes..it really helped me get my load off...

so den went home at around 2 in the morning i think..haha tanx ili for treating us the cab ride...baik hati tul org tu..haha..

it really saddens me to see u leave my life as who we used to be..but things need to go on..and we haf to move on wif our life..i really enjoyed the times i spent wif u..those unforgettable moments will be treasured deep in my heart..eventhough i wont contact u like how i used to..it doesnt mean im going MIA at u..u can always give me a call or msg me whenever u want to..wether u just want a chat or just want to meet me im perfectly ok..ur still my fren..i hope i'll see u in da future as ur happy self and not the sad, bingit2 self..u take care of urself n seriusly dont do any stoopid stuff..u noe wat i mean ar...

never take friendship personal..quite a true quote but quite wrong..u always haf to start of as being frens den u can get into a relationship..u cant just get into a realtionship whenever u want to..so its 50/50..

so today i went to get a hair cut..hmm it turned out quite ok..but when i look at it again..macam cinone sak! so tmr planning to meet bom to help me do some finishing touches so it doesnt look too bad..den after dat i went to the mam's house to chill..den at night went to chill at longkang..

life's all abt chilling and just abit of hardwork..haha i wished! hmm yeah im planning to go back to work again..just for the one month..maybe can get new threads or shoes! woo! new bapes! and yeah i just got my hp bill..i open den i was like WTF! its freaking 80+!! i noe it may not sound much to u but my bill is usually 30+ only..so it was quite a shocker..arr shit lar how am i going to pay..dah lah broke..i will find a way..i always will..

Scary kids scaring kids - drowning you in fear

Stand up
You know you have the right to
Speak out
For the things that you believe
If you let them
They will stab you in the back over again
Take your integrity

How long will you let this go on?
They're drowning you in fear

Speak up
Your voice just isn't breaking through
It's time now
It's gone on way too long
If you let them
They will tear you into little pieces
I think there's something wrong

How long will you let this go on?
They're drowning you in fear
You're letting your hopes go straight to hell
and I know the end is near

The time will come
The time will come
The time will come
You will be sorry for what you've done
The time will come

How long will you let this go on?
drowning you in fear
You're letting your hopes go straight to hell
And I know the end is near, is near

You say you're sorry for what it's worth

If you need sumone at ur side, i am out there, im out there, out there

Rambled at 12:59 AM on Monday, March 27, 2006 | Haloscan

today was quite a boring day..everybody had no plans..i also had no plans..but FINALLY in the end sumone had a plan..skateboarding time! haha..been a long time since i skated..always no time..so i skated at fountain wif gup,bonc,yat n munk..skated for like less than an hour then all lepak..lepak ar all the way..den on the way home met the methricals at longkang..just sit there for a while den off back home..

FUCK LAR!

Rambled at 1:44 PM on Sunday, March 26, 2006 | Haloscan

just as i finished posting the last post..things get FUCKED UP AGAIN! FUCK LAR! WATS HAPPENING TO MY LIFE!?!?! FIRST MY LUV LIFE DEN MY FREAKING FAMILY!! FUCK U DAD! WAT DO U EXPECT ME TO DO!! DAMN FUCKER..BCOS OF U I FREAKING DID IT!NOW I CANT EVEN FREAKING COME BACK HOME AFTER 10 EVEN IF I CALL! FUCK LAR! FUCK SHIT U ASSHOLE!

carved ur name on my heart

Rambled at 1:22 PM on | Haloscan

so the past few days wasnt really in the mood to blog after those incidents...but im feeling a bit better now..haizz...so yesterday as per normal went to go yoyo meeting at milennia walk and also to take the new bag from iskandar..i finally got small crumpler bag! den went to buy some chocolates at candy empire..i'll tell u later wat its abt..and just hang around at suntec's family link till late..then head home..

so recently i've been thinking ways of making up to her..so i decided to do sumting sweet..but i dont noe wether it was sweet enuf for her..see lar kan i say the surprise was worth the wait tanak dengar..haha nak tido je..must stay awake!! so i went her house in the middle of the night and left a box with chocolates, a letter, a cd for her to listen to when shes reading the letter and a white rose on her doorstep..sorry for lying to u the whole time where i was..it was all part of the surprise..den i just sat there at ur carpark..looking at ur room..while u trying to lay ur hair down..too bad ar ur hair too short..lempar benang tanak..haha..i really hope wat i did can change everything dat happenned...just looking at u at ur window makes me miss u soo much...really hope my dream can come true..just u n me..holding u in my arms..lying down on a mat in the open space..just staring at the dark sky looking at the stars...

Rambled at 1:42 PM on Friday, March 24, 2006 | Haloscan

how sad i am wifout u...pls come back to me..

someone pls shoot me..

Rambled at 1:27 PM on | Haloscan

dear..im sorry...i really mean it..im soo stupid not to trust u in the first place..if i have a gun rite now i wud seriusly shoot myself..even if i have a baseball bat i would use it...i wud hit myself continuosly on the head till i bleed and have a slow death..im really sorry for making u sad..u really mean alot to me..only to the people who mean alot to me will i doo all the special things we did together..i dont want to lose u bcos of how stupid i was..pls dont let dis problem between us be the turning point..u told me u already turned..but its not too late to turn back..we could always start from the beginning..pls give me another chance...please..i know ur still pissed wif me..its ok..i want u to just calm down till ur ok..i luv u soo much..i dont wanna change dat..i cant really...my hearts already carved ur name on it...u felt there was no bond between us..but how am i suppose to show it if u cant always go out wif me..i wud den show how much i really care abt u n how much dat i luv u..i really don wan dis to happen anymore..if i could take back all the words dat i said den i would..then ntohing like dis would happen..im seriusly such a fool not to believe u in the first place..yes i noe dat u hate making decisions..but i just really wanted to noe..but once he told me dat he sees u as just a fren and nothing more, i was practically hitting my head on the screen..just like wat i said..if i had a dozen roses, i would go to ur house rite now and go down on my knees and beg for forgiveness..im nothing wifout u...pls dont leave me..

I LUV U!

if you come close and hold me tight you feel the heart that beats for you
and if, you dear could read my mind oh you would know my love is true
Words cant say how much I love you
Words cant say how much I care
I need you and I need your love
like I need to breathe the air
I swear true love will never die so please believe in you and me...

speechless

Rambled at 12:38 AM on | Haloscan

i just couldnt believe wat u said to me just now on the phone..u literally ripped my heart apart wif those words..why cant u choose between me n him? wats so hard abt that? after all those sweet words u said to me..after all our late nite calls..after wat we did together..after wat we had...and i cherished all of those moments..wat was dat all abt?? a lie? if its not than wats so hard abt choosing? why wouldnt u say me than him? u told me he was nothing more than a friend..u told me nothing happenned..den? why is it really hard to say? didnt u say he was attached? den? after everything i said to u..u think im lying abt my feelings for u? do u think i would just kiss anybody wifout meaning it? do u think i wud just care any stranger?? do u think i wud say i luv u wifout meaning it?

seriusly...wat happenned? eversince u started going out wif him..u changed...ur not the person i knew back then...that ever so nice,kind,caring person i knew... everytime i asked u out the last time..there was nothing dat was going to stop u..and now? i ask u out n u always haf something else on..but when he asks u out..u dont mind..why cant u make going out wif him soo hard?why must it be me?? u got bored of me? tell me honestly lah..pleassee..do u like him or not??? if u do den why wont u say it to me?? u keep saying to me dat u dont treat him more than a friend..u said that im the only one...den? why isit soo hard to choose?!? im literally punching my head rite now..i just cant take it..i dont even noe wat to do now..and dats y im giving u time to think over it..think..think..who would u choose?? isit me or him? and i wont take both as an answer..i noe ur mad wif me abt just now..u mad wif me bcos i keep pestering u abt me n him? and wat do u think im feeling all this while? do u think im happy dat ur keeping me in the dark?? and u urself said dat u wouldnt want me to hurt u or go MIA at u...but whos the one hurting now? ur the one hurting me..i already told u dat i wont ever do stupid things to hurt u..and i really mean it..u PROMISED me that u wont hurt me..BUT u still havent broke ur promise yet..bcos u still havent decided on who..its either me or him..if u choose him den ur going to lose me..if u choose me den u wud haf to lose him..its up to u now..if u choose him then u just broke ur promise..

ayg..u noe dat i luv u lar..i told u already..u mean alot to me..if u honestly truely take him as just a fren..den im sorry for always bringing dis up..and i also forgive u..think hard k...which one of us means more to u?..

..ME or HIM..

Rambled at 9:30 PM on Thursday, March 23, 2006 | Haloscan

baby..you made me do this...u noe who u are..

my heart is aching soo bad!!

Rambled at 2:55 PM on | Haloscan

so yeah sorry for the lack of updates..i forgot wat day i had soccer nite..haha oh well..i get to finally ride shai's sp to go play soccer..babi nye shai..i almost fell off his bike bcos he was testing wether im seated tightly or not..den he go n perah...kanina..yeah..ok den yesterday went to mambi house to chill wif da rest..mambi den treated us at mr teh tarik..food N drinks...woo! haha i was damn full by the time..den at last we went to our beloved chilling spot...the longkang..

lately ive been not really having a good day..my heart keeps crying out in pain..theres just soo many things to say but i cant cos its too much...AAARRR!!

blogging

Rambled at 4:03 PM on Tuesday, March 21, 2006 | Haloscan

after reading a few blogs..i truly believe that reading peoples blog can give a different mindcept of that person...hmmm..oh well..yeah yesterday i had fun going to THE house...ok lar i dun wanna get into details...haha k bubye!

shoes shoes shoes!!

Rambled at 1:08 PM on Sunday, March 19, 2006 | Haloscan

Jyeah! haha..yesterday me n munk went to queensway to see the nike sb exhibition which was super dope..all my dream shoes were there...met ali there too..and also bumped into wati n four eyes...took lots of pics of the shoes..den me n ali proceeded to milennia walk to go meet the rest..munk went to his chalet instead..later during the night met the methricals at long john silver...den i had a change of group..went to esplanade and chill..listen to this really nice salsa group playing on stage...got people dance2 etc....den we took group photos!! so enjoy the photos ive posted below..

Rambled at 1:07 PM on | Haloscan

alamak dah kene gi sembahyang ar...

Rambled at 1:06 PM on | Haloscan

dah kenape..

Rambled at 1:05 PM on | Haloscan

budak2 giler...

Rambled at 1:04 PM on | Haloscan

the shoe on the left cost around $4000 n the one on the right cost around $3000

Rambled at 12:59 PM on | Haloscan

adooooii...

Rambled at 12:57 PM on | Haloscan

preview of some shoes there

the past till the present

Rambled at 9:32 PM on Friday, March 17, 2006 | Haloscan

well as u can see all the pics i've posted..dat pretty much sums up everything dat happened when the last time i blogged till now..enjoy..

today got soccer at the usual place..but this time bom was finally playing..nothing much happened really..btw im sori if i made u wait downstairs..i tot u were coming back late...later the methricals wanted to go to sembawang park..nak pegi tempat yang keras..hmm..dunno wether i shud go or not..but we're riding the bang bus later!! WOOO!! had to change plans for tmr bcos of unforseen circumstances..boohoo...suday k...purleaaassseeee.....yah tmr got the nike sb exhibition..woo gonna go n must bring my cam along...

Rambled at 9:30 PM on | Haloscan