All i see
Rambled at
2:37 AM on Friday, January 02, 2009 |
Haloscanwhat a new year it has turned out to be...
i was being sarcastic..
for the whole day today i have just been sitting at home n rotting..
n now im just staring blankly into the screen..
even better, the song im listening to rite now keeps repeating 'dont u ever get lonely?'..
i feel lonely every single day..
eversince 19 oct..
im really jealous looking at u..
jealous dat at least u haf sumone else taking care of u now..
i want dat..
all i ever want was sumone to care n love me..
my heart is broken up into 4 sections..
my frens, my family, the special one(aka gf) n of cos myself..
ive got it all..
im happy wif the rest..
but there is just still one section which is ever so empty..
the special one of cos..
it sucks to see u so happy..
dont get me wrong but i do want u to be happy..
but i also do too..
ive always wanted to stop smoking..
i had a reason to stop..
i actually promised to at the end of 2008..
but i promised it to sumone..
but here i am typing wif a cigarette in my mouth..
why should i keep my promises if u cant keep urs..
n to make things better, i have a freakin hole in my lung bcos of the cigarrettes..
now i now why i sumtimes feel a sharp pain in my chest..
as i sit here wif my eyes closed..
the thoughts of wat the future might bring me..
i mean yes im excited for the new year..
and i really am hoping its gonna be better..
but theres just this feeling..
feeling scared..
but they say its good to be scared that means u still have something to lose..
al least it shows u havent lost everything..
but im also feeling dissapointed..
dissapointed with myself that i still cant get over you..
still here i am typing about u..
still here i am thinking about u..
"So I've been sleeping with this silence in my mind
And all I see scares me
And no one knows it, but she, she saved me
So I've been sleeping with this silence in my brain
I wake up here everyday in this god damn place
I won't wait here anymore
It's still not quite the way it was
But you promised me this is love
So stay and watch the hospital
That's just across the street
From your apartment balcony
I'll never ever leave there
I'll never leave
Oh, no one is watching now
Sing like you just might drown
But always come back home
'Cause I never got to see you once more, no
I guess that's all I wanted
Yeah, I guess that's all I needed
Now look, we've made a fool out of love
When all we want is to be enough
When all we want is to feel enough"
-lydia.
